


The Devil Within

by bonjourmarlene



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Demons, F/F, Femslash Big Bang Monthly Challenge, Ghosts, Halloween, Haunting, Supernatural - Freeform, femslash big bang october challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonjourmarlene/pseuds/bonjourmarlene
Summary: Perrie is haunted by her ex girlfriend Jade, who died in a car crash after they had a fight a while ago.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from Digital Daggers' "The Devil Within" and you might want to give the song a listen while you read it or at some other point. I hope you like this one shot and Happy October :)

I looked over at my digital watch to see it was only one am. I hated waking up at a time like this, but somehow I lately always did. I was so fucking tired all the time and I had no idea why. I used to go to bed around midnight earlier but now I was always so tired that I fell into my bed around eight or nine already, yet I always woke up in the middle of the night and when I fell back asleep, it was always rather uncomfortable. Some people in the dorm house had told me they’d seen me walking around at night so I was probably sleep walking, which crept me out even more. I had also grown really vulnerable to everything – I had bruises everywhere and I didn’t even know where they were coming from.

At first it had freaked me out, but then I had Googled it and I’d found it was a normal thing in my age to be a little more stressed. Mum had also told me at my age she had had a lot of sleeping problems, so I just pushed it away and considered it normal. It must be in the genes.

And the sensitivity of my skin was probably a consequence because of my lack of sleep – to be honest, sometimes, when I looked into the mirror, I felt like a god damned zombie. The lack of sleep caused deep bags beneath my eyes and it looked a little creepy considering how bright and light my eyes were. They used to be shining with life but lately I was just… just there.

My skin was paler than usual because I didn’t go out as much as I used to, after a fight with my girlfriend. We’d fought about something small, really just a debate about something about my parents. I wasn’t in a good mood and I had tended to always let my anger out on others and that day it was against Jade, the girl I was in love with. She was mad at me for always blaming my shit on her, and I couldn’t blame her for that, and then she just drove off to sleep at her friend’s and the next day I got a call that she crashed into a tree and didn’t survive.

I was devastated. I had locked myself in my room, not coming out of my dorm. I didn’t go to my classes for almost a month when my friend Leigh-Anne had come and forced me out again. She was really a wonderful friend… she managed to make me move on. Yet I was still craving for Jade, even though it’s been more than half a year since she died.

But I still felt like she was here. Sometimes I woke up and it felt as if the mattress was still warm where she used to lie when she slept in my bed. It was a bit weird but I had grown used to it. Sometimes it felt as if I heard her shouting for me, shouting at me the last words she had said to me before she left me forever. It hurt because we had been fighting.

I didn’t want her to be with me anymore because it hurt me even more to think of her because every time I thought I could move on, I heard her screaming inside of my head.

I remember it had been a tough fight and I had been so mad at her back then. In my rage I had slapped her once and before she left I’d gripped her wrists a bit too tightly. Just a couple of days ago I woke up because it felt as if someone had slapped me and one night I woke up with the imprints of small fingers around my wrist, but when I woke up in the morning again, they were gone.

To be perfectly frank, I was thinking I was going crazy. Jade wouldn’t leave me alone even though she was dead. Once I’d told my mother that it felt as if she was still here and still angry with me because of the fight and she’d hugged me tightly and promised me everything would be okay and that it was just because I felt guilty because of her death, so I believed her.

When it didn’t go away after another two months, I started not telling her. She’d worry more and more every day and one day she almost went to send me to an asylum, but then I told her I was fine and that I didn’t feel as if Jade was still here so she let it go. I didn’t want to be locked away, alone with Jade inside of my head.

I had stopped seeing my friend Leigh-Anne eventually because she asked me to move in with her and our mutual friend Jesy to calm me down and move my thoughts into another direction. She had known I was still thinking about Jade and her death after the fourth month since she was gone. And I had started freaking her out too, so she left me as well.

I was alone.

I walked into the bathroom, my feet tapping silently on the cold floor, and turned on the lights. It was cold everywhere in the room and I’d asked the janitor multiple times to fix it and he had tried. I was the only one in the entire house with this problem and one day I didn’t want to bother him anymore because, to be perfectly frank, it was embarrassing after the sixth time. So I had bought a lot of sweaters and jumpers and blankets but it felt as if the cold was coming from inside of me because it never disappeared.

I looked into the mirror and sighed because I looked like a freaking ghost. My blonde hair had thinned out, my face look bony and pale even though I ate more than anyone I knew. My friends all thought I had become bulimic because they all saw me eating all the time, yet I became thinner every day. My blue eyes, once bright and shining with life, were now dull and almost always blood shot. I had another bruise where my collarbones where and I shuddered a little when I touched it. I had no idea again how I got it but it reminded me on all the times when Jade and I touched and kissed each other – this was her favourite spot to make a love bite because it was harder to cover.

I sighed and grabbed my makeup, trying to cover the new bruise. I winced at the pain I felt but luckily I soon had the livid spot covered. I added some makeup to my face as well so it wouldn’t look as grey as it did in the fluorescent light, but that was all the effort I put into makeup because no one even looked in my direction anymore anyway.

It felt as if I had died along with Jade. There was one part of me that still missed her and wanted her to be alive but something inside of my brain told me to be scared the fuck out of Jade. My friend Katherine had told me stories about Jade before we’d become a couple and those stories all ended unwell – two of her ex girlfriends committed suicide and another had to go to an asylum as well. But I didn’t listen to Katherine because those rumors were rarely ever true and the Jade I met was lovely and sweet and made me feel special.

She was jealous when I went out with Katherine but I couldn’t be mad at her for it.

One day Katherine told me crying that Jade had threatened to kill her if she didn’t leave me alone and I asked Jade about it, who started crying as well and asked me why Katherine hated her so much. Since I was so madly in love with Jade, I believed her and told Katherine to go to hell for telling such a lie about the lovely cutie.

But even though I had lost one of my best friends, I was happy because I still had Jade. She was a special child and told me about how she’d been bullied in school. When they’d found out about her sexuality, they’d stolen her cat and a couple of days later, she found her poor little kitten burned in front of her house.

At that time I was still friends with Katherine, who’d told me not to believe everything Jade told me but I believed Jade. I always did. She was not only the girl I loved but also my best friend. I understood why she was jealous of my friends – I was one of the few people who accepted her the way she was and she was scared others would take me away from her. I couldn’t believe how nobody loved her so unconditionally like I had because she had been one of the most wonderful people I had ever met.

A few days ago I had went to South Shields, where I grew up. Jade had told me she’d grown up there too but we had never met until the day we coincidentally ended up in the same course for literature and she’d sat down next to me and enchanted me with her lovely personality.

I went to my old school and even met a few people from my old school, who’d told me they heard about Jade’s fate. They all spoke their condolence and some hugged me but not for long as they all flinched when they touched my cold skin. No matter what I did, I was always cold. I couldn’t blame them for flinching away.

“I was friends with Jade in middle school,” one of the girls, Jennifer, had told me. We had only become friends in High School but at that time she hadn’t been friends with Jade anymore, which had made me sad. “She was a bit of a weirdo.”

I had frowned and shook my head, “No, people are just assholes. Even at a young age.”

“You didn’t even know her back then,” Jennifer had retorted and crossed her arms across her chest. “She _was_ weird. I was friends with her but one day she’d told me I couldn’t be friends with anyone except her. I told her I’d gladly be her friend but I also wanted to see other people because I didn’t want to be friends with one single person. So she told me she was in love with me, which, to be honest, freaked me out. But I was still friends with her. I told her I couldn’t return her feelings but I’d still be her friend if that was okay with her. And she agreed but then I found her fighting with my other friends and threatening to kill them if they didn’t leave me alone. I didn’t say anything to her until a couple of days later and then she said that she had never done such a thing and broke down crying and begging me to believe her when I’d seen it with my own eyes. I heard she’s done that with all other people as well whom she didn’t like.”

I had frowned even deeper at that and even though something inside of my brain should have told me to believe her and change my view on Jade, I found myself punching her in the face and kicking her stomach repeatedly. The other girls wanted to pull me away from Jennifer but I’d kept hitting and kicking her until she coughed blood and the police came and dragged me away from her.

Even though Jennifer hadn’t hit me once, I’d woken up with new bruises all over and a black eye, but I suppose I deserved it for hurting her like this… to be honest, I still didn’t know what possessed me to do it. I felt rage inside of me I had never felt before even though I wasn’t even angry. It felt weird and as if it wasn’t part of me, as if something else told me to hurt her like this but I knew this was impossible. None of the other girls had told me to punch her and even if they had, I’d never done it. I had never been one to hurt others on purpose.

I was back in college now, trying to get on with my life but since I had so many sleeping problems, I couldn’t do much except for eat, sleep and maybe study a little so I wouldn’t fail my courses. I didn’t have time for anyone and maybe it was good like this. I didn’t even want anyone near me only to tell me I was going crazy.

I went back to bed, hoping I could get a little more sleep. I felt more comfortable with the makeup on my skin when I had all these bruises because I didn’t want anyone to think I was being hit by anyone or something, because, to be honest, it looked like I was. I hissed when I felt someone grab my wrists and twisting my hands, but when I looked down, my hands were still and untouched, nobody to be seen. It was just another hallucination caused by the guilt I felt about Jade’s death, just like mum had told me.

I sighed and lie down in the bed, automatically putting my arm on the other pillow, which was always empty now since the day I had exchanged the last words with Jade. It was warm again, like she had been lying in it but I blamed it on my body simply being too cold.

With a little bit of luck I’d wake up tomorrow morning a little more well-rested and maybe my skin itching less like there was something inside of me I wanted to get rid of.

_You’ll never know what hit you…_

_Won’t see me closing in._

_I’m gonna make you suffer._

_This hell you put me in, I’m underneath your skin._

_The devil within._

_You’ll never know what hit you._

_I will be here when you think you’re all alone._

_Seeping through the cracks_

_I’m the poison in your bones._

_My love is your disease_

_I won’t let it set you free_

_‘til I break you._


End file.
